Superhero First Date
by RandomEarthling
Summary: Special Girl's Rules on Super Dating for Dummies Rule No. 63: Be prepared. You never know how your dates will end. You could either end up in his bed, or strapped to his homemade atomic bomb. You never know.


**Author's Note: Just an idea I got while in my English class...three years ago. If there are any grammar errors - sorry about that. Happy reading!**

**Disclaimer: The cartoon, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, belongs to its creators, and Nickelodeon.**

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Superhero First Date

Rule No.63: Be Prepared

_Be prepared. You never know how your dates will end. You could either end up in his bed, or strapped to his homemade atomic bomb._

_You never know._

"Special Girl, you will _not_, under any circumstances chase your date away tonight. This is your first 'normal' date in two years, and you will certainly _not_ spend it by being a complete freak. You will _not_ crush his hands by accident when you shake hands. You will _not_ squish him like a hungry anaconda by accident when the situation calls for a hug. You will _not_ accidentally, _or intentionally_, injure or break _anything _or _anyone_ today just because you can or forgot you have super strength and that you can bend steel with your pinky." The lone blonde told herself this as she sat near the large tinted windows of the café where she was supposed to meet her date. It was a nice, cozy place, and she picked it specifically because of the large windows that covered the whole café (that she can use as an escape route just in case the date gets _that_ bad) with its nice seats and the TV that was set on the counter.

"You will also _not_ freak him out and/or intimidate him by telling him that you are really Special Girl, one of the most famous super heroes in the world." The young woman added silently to herself as she glanced at her watch. It was 3:30 pm, which meant that she had an hour left to kill before her date arrives. She had, after all, been in the café since three, an hour and a half early, all because she wanted to be punctual for her date.

Nope, it's not weird at all.

"You will just beguile him with how pretty you look in your exquisite yellow dress, and enchant him with your wit and good humor." She continued, but she rolled her eyes as she said this. _Yeah, enchant and beguile him, I can do that – maybe. _She thought sullenly as she sat and fussed with the ends of her dress.

Now, one might ask why a famous super hero was having some kind of near nervous-breakdown over _one_ date, but Special Girl was adamant that she get everything right (she's a little OCD/perfectionist that way). She was _so_ done with being the only _single _super hero left in the business. She was _so_ done with always being the only one who had no one to come home to or to tie her down to earth.

_What good is saving the world if you have the ability to one day destroy it, and you have no one close enough to you to stop you?_

It's not that she wanted to be alone all this time, it's just what comes with being a big league super heroine; you become too busy to save lives than to have one of your own.

But, this time for sure, she would have one. A dating life. _And hopefully a love life if she can manage._

To make sure that the date becomes a complete success, she even wrote down a list of instructions to herself so she wouldn't be caught unprepared in any and _all_ situations that she could think of (literally all of them, from accidental coffee spills to identity slips to apocalyptic scenarios) to make sure that she won't act like a complete spaz in front of her date. She even wrote it down on a legal pad, to make it look official enough.

_Again_, no, this is _not_ weird.

Really.

She looked back and forth across the café, and when she was convinced that no one was watching her act like a complete nutcase, she took out the now harassed-looking legal pad that contained all her plans. Smiling despite being completely aware of how pathetic she is being, she reviewed once again the instructions on it.

'Rule number one; remember to wear a disguise, as you were dumb enough to not wear a mask when you first decided to fight crime in a costume. ' Reading this, Special Girl unconsciously patted her head. She had donned a terribly itchy brown wig and wore thick square glasses (she had actually taken to calling herself a super spy because of her 'clever' disguise) to ensure that she wouldn't be recognized by her date.

Back in the day, when she first came out to fight crime, she had figured that civilians would respond more calmly to heroes who didn't wear masks. They would think they can relate more to a hero if they can see his or her face, with its imperfections and its uniqueness. So, the super heroine opted not to wear a mask. Who knew it would be pain in the butt one day, when she stopped being in hiding or living in Hero Alliance Tower?

Nodding to herself as she made a quick onceover of herself she read the next rule. 'Rule number two; memorize Celine Cortez's story so you wouldn't look like a scam artist when you suddenly forget necessary details.'

Right, Celine Cortez wasn't her real name. Her real name was Cynthia Aurora Vortex (Cindy to her friends). She had dropped her real one when she decided to become a super hero. For the moment though, her name is Celine Cortez, so she needs to perfectly embody Celine Cortez, who's a librarian who goes to the gym on her free days, likes chocolates and pecan ripple ice cream, has a pet bulldog named Humphrey who she loves very much, and an overbearing mother who made her play the piano until her fingers nearly gave out and filled every hour of her schedule with activities that would look good on her college applications (made in case sensitive topics arise in a conversation).

No, again, she's not being weird.

'Rule number three; in case WiseGuyLikes314 is either of the following: a.) a complete douche, b.) a nutcase, c.) a gross slob d.) all of the above, or e.) even worse than 'd', execute Vortex Bad Date Maneuver 143.'

The Vortex Bad Date Maneuver 143 is simple: distract WiseGuyLikes314 with a specially formulated tear gas that contains a potent amnesiac, and escape by flying through the window.

WiseGuyLikes314 is Special Girl's date, a man (hopefully a man) she had met online at a shady internet dating site called OneTrueLoveLab (yes, she was _that_ desperate for a date).

One might ask why a respected super heroine like her would resort to dating sites, but due to an ironclad agreement between her and her crime-fighting colleagues, she was forced to. They would leave her alone in the subject of love and dating, and won't set her up with the people they know, and in turn all she had to do was to register on a popular yet shady-looking online dating site.

Special Girl felt around in her dress pocket for a small vial containing a very dangerous liquid. She swallowed nervously. It was, after all, the most important part of the Vortex Bad Date Maneuver 143. Anxious, she fished it out of her pocket. It was a small vial of tear gas mixed with an amnesiac that's strong enough to make someone lose a whole week of memories. She had nicked it from a super villain named Doctor N. N had planned to rule the world by controlling people of power from the shadows; forcing them to do what he wants then making them forget that they ever did it in the first place. No evidence, no trace, he had told her so right before she defeated him and arrested him five months ago.

Of course, being one of the most feared super villains in the world, he escaped days later.

...

'Celine' heard his voice and his first impression before she even actually saw WiseGuyLoves314. He had come crashing into the shop an _hour_ after their agreed upon time. She had her head on the table with her eyes closed that time, lamenting on the fact that she had covered all possible date routes _except _being stood up. She had, after a half hour's worth of contemplation, apparently been banking on the fact that WiseGuyLoves314 seemed like the type of guy that won't be enough of an asshole to stand her up.

She had been wrong.

And if there was anything she hated other than villains and Burp Boy's gluten-free meals, it was being wrong.

That _AND_ being stood up.

She's kinda surprised she hasn't killed him yet.

Because Special Girl, the invulnerable, self-appointed leader of the super hero team, Hero Alliance, does not get stood up. Special Girl, savior of the universe, does not get stood up. Special Girl, Time Magazine's Heroine of the Year, does not get stood up. Special Girl, the sexy, perfectionist super heroine with super strength, all kinds of vision, and the knowledge of more than a billion ways to kill a person, does. Not. Get. Stood. Up.

"Sorry about that glass jar, um, but, um, have you seen a girl in a yellow dress around here?" She heard him ask the guy on the front counter. A loud gruff noise was heard before she caught the sound of his footsteps approaching her.

Not wanting to look like his lateness affected her in any way; she immediately brought her head up and stared straight out the window, pointedly ignoring him. She ignored him when he quite clumsily pulled back the seat in front of her and sat down on it. She pointedly ignored him when he politely but shyly said "Hi". She pointedly ignored him when he cleared his throat to get her attention. She pointedly ignored him when he awkwardly did it once more.

She pointedly ignored him for a few more minutes.

"You better have an excuse good enough to stop me from beating you to within an inch of death." She said after she let him stew in uncomfortable silence. She refused to look at him, and she was so close to doing exactly what she threatened to do.

It seemed then as if any answer he would give to her would result in his untimely and horrifying death. But, once more, she was wrong. For WiseGuyLoves314 gave her an excuse so outrageous she looked up at him, up at the most astonishing blue eyes she had ever seen, and decided she was staying – and totally not beating him up within an inch of death. Probably. Maybe.

"My homemade atomic bomb nearly exploded."

Needless to say, Jimmy Newton (yes, that's his name) wasn't brutally beaten up by Special Girl that day. And Special Girl actually had a date, a _good_ date, that didn't end in the Vortex Bad Date Maneuver 143.

It was so good; in fact, that she almost forgave him when she found out three months later that he was Doctor N. Almost.


End file.
